R rated shitting log

I have never been a Tió person. Even though I am fully aligned with many of the scatological Catalan traditions like the “caganer” (shitter) who occupies a privileged spot in my Nativity display, I never fell for the shitting log (Caga Tió). When I was a kid, some of my 100% Catalan friends got their presents on Christmas Eve through the log shitting methodology, but hybrids like me, were hooked to the cleaner Three Magic King tradition.

I have to give credit to the previous dictator Franco for having devised a plan to eradicate Catalonia as a nation by favoring the relocation of a massive amount of people from other regions to dilute the Catalan sentiment and convert Catalonia into a blended combination of Spanish traditions. He was quite successful in his attempts, but died too early to fully succeed and the Catalan seeds started to re-grow in the 1980s. I am not totally sure what globalization will bring to us. The vast majority of those who moved from other regions to Catalonia are now Catalans and have embraced the Catalan culture and language and their children have no ties whatsoever with the regions where their parents come from. It is unclear to me what’s going to happen with the 1 million foreign nationals who migrated to Catalonia in the last decade. I see most of them very interested in transforming Catalonia into what they thought it would be, instead of adapting to what Catalans as a people want Catalonia to be. I think that the way the Catalan government reacts to the situation with things like Catalan immersion or obligations on Catalan signage is understandable, but often backfires. Strategy is more important than tactics if we want to win the battle against homogenization.
Anyway let’s go back to the shitting log tradition. The poem below was recited by the kids who gathered around the shitting log while hitting the log with a baton. At the end of the process, the Tió would defecate all kinds of presents for the children and adults rejoicing:


Caga tió/Shitting log,
Tió de Nadal/Christmas log
No caguis arengades/Don't shit herrings
Que són salades /‘cause they are salty
Caga torrons/Shit nougat
Que son mes bons!/Which is much better

A couple of months ago, I was in a hotel in Japan watching a late night show, while drinking a glass of rice sake to try to compensate my jet lag, I saw a TV advertisement which made me long for the shitting log tradition. I am in my mid forties and my continuous trips, long haul flights, jet lags, meetings and teleconferences any time of the day and often nights, have partially eroded my stamina, what translates directly into a poor sex life. My problem is not ED, it is just exhaustion and the Japanese R rated ad seemed to address exactly my requirements. I was able to find a video clip in one of the video sharing sites (I have edited out the steamiest scenes to still have a remote chance to become a Catalonian Politician). On Christmas Eve, I will hit hard my shitting log and hope that the present will be there at the end of the night. You may want to try the same. I do not understand Japanese, but my assumption is that neither the guy nor the girl come with the piece of equipment.

Mid Age Crisis Aid